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” And the man replied, “No, she’s left handed.” A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. ” With that she flipped him her panties and said, “Try these on.” He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. ” She said, “That’s right, and that’s the way it’s going to be until you change your attitude.” A husband and wife are watching ”Who Wants To Be a Millionaire,” and the husband winks and says, ”Honey, let’s go upstairs…” The wife says no, so the husband asks again. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, “here put these on.” She said “I can’t wear your pants.” “That’s right!! Instead of just standing there why don’t you do something useful, like change the oil in my car? I may appear to be a potbellied, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been, but on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe.Rule Five: The following places are not approporiate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are sofas, beds or anything softer than a wooden stool or folding chair; places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight; places where there is darkness; places where the ambient temperature would induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts or anything other than overalls, a sweater and a goose down parka, zipped up to her chin. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi.You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.
”Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs.” ”That must have hurt,” said the judge. ”I broke three of my fingers.” A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the woman asked, “Honey, if I died would you get married again? When you get to a certain age, dating often becomes tiresome and sometimes you might even think about giving up.Giving up is not an option because there are so many senior singles who look forward to getting in touch with new people who would enrich their lives – people just like you. All you need to do is create a free profile and start your new adventure!Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me.