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I was also brought up with an understanding that it was not something people did to those they love. Is the OP saying it's impossible to have a "relationship" if you don't consummate it or can't just "close your eyes and think of England"?Furthermore, I come from a generation that associates it with piggish acts by a cigar-loving, "chubby chaser" U. There are people who define as asexual who are still looking to have a life partner. I have gained 60 pounds and no longer feel attractive.When there is no sex within a marriage or a romantic relationship the couple will sometimes consult me together, but most often it is just one of them.You might think it would always be the dissatisfied partner but it can be the one who is refusing sex too.
I would suggest the problem is that in many, if not most cases the problem is that one partner loses it more quickly than the other, or even that one partner actually has increased lust and love while the other has less.Urge the partner to come into counseling or go alone.There may be a possible course of action s/he did not think of. She or he can accept the situation and enjoy what satisfaction the relationship does provide. The unhappy one can force the issue by issuing an ultimatum.All humans are sexual creatures and sexual expression takes many forms. The one who usually initiates stops doing so maybe because of frequent rejection, and the other, who certainly could initiate when ready, doesn’t. "I’m in love with/infatuated with someone else.” This does not necessarily preclude sex with one’s regular partner. I have counseled individuals and couples in both roles in the above situations – some with mutually acceptable outcomes, in some cases not.Hearing this from a figure of authority like a physician or a marriage counselor can often make the difference. The sexual drought continues and, quite commonly, nobody brings the topic up until it becomes critical to one or the other. Many people have loved more than one person simultaneously. Every coupled relationship is different and contains individuals with varying degrees of commitment and flexibility.