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” An unnerving number advertise themselves as “clean” and phrases such as “weekends are a no-go” are casually dropped in as a cold reminder of unknowing families who sit waiting for daddy to come home on Friday night.One user in his forties and working in finance says he wants to whisk me away for a weekend by the sea.But they are outnumbered by a second group of twentysomethings who are just as straightforward.“A sugar daddy,” comes one succinct response to my introductory question. The site invites me to spend it at every turn, and users were even charged £15 to delete their profile prior to the hack.She emails me moments later: “I haven’t even finished setting up my bio and I’ve been ‘favourited’ twice.”I vow to get proactive. ” and take an indiscriminate copy-and-paste approach. I reveal I’m a journalist and he is happy to discuss his experiences.Which, it transpires, involves taking out my credit card. He’s been a member for three months and has parted with £350.Their stories are largely the same old cliché: stuck in a loveless marriage and seeking a thrill to ease the mid-life crisis.Chat-up lines range from “one woman’s fresh meat is another’s stale smorgasboard [sic]” to “are you a tea or a coffee person?

Millions of adulterous users of the website Ashley Madison – which bills itself as a dating site for married people – have spent this week worrying about having their membership and their cheating secrets revealed after a group calling itself Impact Team hacked into their profiles.

Aping a provincial nightclub, women are granted full use of the site free of charge, while men have to pay. I can’t help but wonder why he didn’t just sign up for the Affair Guarantee Package of 2,000 credits at a reasonable £229.80.

While I um and ah about forking out another wedge, the messages start to arrive.

One is old enough to be my mother and has a username that, without giving too much away, is an instruction to engage part of my mouth with a baked good she has in her possession.

Another user says she’s looking for: “A passionate one-night stand like there is no tomorrow”.

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