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Doctor Nerd Love, I need your advice to get me out of a very negative mindset.So, I’m going to break in here right at the start: this is a good thing to recognize in yourself.We just know “Yes, I’m attracted to that person” or “No, I’m not”. An amazing actor can pull this off for a little while. It affects how you talk to people, the way you perceive the world and how you interact with it. And like Binary Sunset, this is a theme that’s going to be recurring throughout your letter.This is why there are a of false positives in online dating. I have confided in my best female friend, who’s in a relationship. When I expressed the amount I get rejected, she was taken aback, and said “Women are silly – and that’s coming from a feminist”. I hear this a from people who believe that they’re the kings of compartmentalization, who believe that they have mastered the poker face and have so squeezed their negative attitude down that nobody ever sees it. This whole Harvey Weinstein thing has, rightly, exposed a gender inequality in which women frequently feel sexually endangered.When women make the first move on the wrong guy, one of two things happens. Or it may mean that you make a good first impression, but they just weren’t attracted to you, sexually or physically. – The instant gratification culture, a lack of recognition that it takes some time to get to know someone, and develop chemistry, and that men need more than one date to achieve this.One: the guy freaks out and reacts angrily or violently – it’s a trap, she’s a sex-worker looking for a client, whatever. – On the rare occasions that I do get a date, and I feel I make a good impression, I’m rejected after the first hurdle. – For me, It is not reasonable expect chemistry after speaking to a stranger for 2 hours, and 3 or 4 dates are required to see if there is any compatibility. Remember what I said about your having a Somebody, Anybody, Everybody problem? If you have chemistry with vibe, which is going to be a turn-off to just about every woman you meet. Dear Men, Women Want a Future, Not Your Money Plenty of Fish in the Cesspool: Online Dating Looks Aren't Everything...

Which is why I suspect that part of the problem you’re having here is that you have a hole marked “Girlfriend” that you’re trying to fill and are less concerned about who fills it. …but all of them have rejected me with words along the lines of “it was lovely to meet you but I’m not sure I felt enough of a connection for a second date”. All of this despite evidence that they were interested in me, flowing conversation punctuated by laughter and even occasional arm touches etc. OK someone call Sir Mix-A-Lott because I hear a big “But” coming… If by “being ignored by women”, you mean that women aren’t approaching you for dates, then we’ve found your first problem. But, occasionally, I’ll get a letter from a reader that requires a deeper and more thorough dive than the usual request for advice.These are the Post-Mortems, where we dissect a letter and dig through the remains in order to get to the heart of the issue. Many times, we’re having to liberally apply the Chair Leg of Truth to a lifetime of beliefs.Visit our Cookie Policy to learn more about our use of Cookies. Sometimes the answer is more nuanced than normal or requires cutting through a Gordian knot of related issues.

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